Saturday, May 29, 2010

Hiatus: Chapter 25

1. How are you feeling today?

Adjective: Informed; alert; knowledgeable; sophisticated

2. What did you do today?

Went to my Census Meeting, and had a Massive Revelation.

3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
Saliva - I Walk Alone

I am now Aware of what I am and was missing.

It isn't Love. It isn't Companionship. It isn't anything dealing with the Heart at all. It was something so simple that even I am shocked that I didn't see it.

My Ability to Detach my Emotions from everything; AKA Turn My Back, get in touch once again with my Loner.

Unless you are me, you CANNOT tell me different. Try it; I'll eat you alive and not feel sorry for you.

All this time, I have been caring too damn much about others that I forgot to care about myself first. And the best way that I cared about myself was to focus on Number One and do what was best for me.

I can honestly look at my phone now and know that I can either answer it, or say "Fuck It." Even if it isn't on my person, I can still pick it up, look at it and say "Fuck It" because I am concentrating on myself for once in my Life.

I did this during High School; Cared less about the people around me and focused on being the Absolute Best in my Class. I Graduated in the Top 20 because I didn't give a Flying Fuck about those that were struggling as I surpassed them.

As I worked for Nordstrom, I had compassion for the newbies, but that was all I had for them. The Veterans, I could have cared less. I was Ruthless, Cold-Hearted as I made my way up the Ranks as I claimed my throne. Granted, I kept the Good Aspect of myself because I didn't want to be that Asshole at the job. I helped where I needed to help, all in the name of Shining Brighter than anyone else and I was Revered, Respected and Admired. I was and STILL am the Best that is walking. All because I cared about myself way more than anyone else could care about me.

No one could reach the Upper Echelon that was and is my Skill Level in key aspects that made me who I am now. And it is High Time that I reconnect with that part of me again.

This time, on a more Permanent Basis.

No comments: