Drained
Past Tense: to be deprived of strength; tired.
2. What did you do today?
Did my last 2 Assignments for the Census for the day in the SWELTERING HEAT!! Made dinner for the family as I prepared the remainder of my paperwork for tomorrow's meeting.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6SZHmwGpNXk
Linkin Park - One Step Closer
Lyrics:
I cannot take this anymore
Saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you'll say
You'll find that out anyway
Just like before...
[Chorus:]
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break
I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before...
[Chorus]
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up, shut up, shut up, shut up
I'm about to BREAK
[Chorus]
Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I guess that this is the part where I feel Emotionally Drained or Emotionally Bankrupt (Insider).
Hiatus, granted, has been Liberating because it helped in my being Desensitized of a number of situations that were going on around me. At the same time, it fucking sucks because not everyone can or could begin to fathom, let alone Respect and Admire what I am doing during this time (Not coming at you, my True and Real Friends; Let that be clear from the jump).
Not everyone is capable of attempting to attain a Higher Level of Mental Awareness and Conciousness, because of the possible ramifications and revelations in which would be realized and obtained. I also believe that certain people who have been following me as far as Hiatus, KNOWS Why I did it. Not for the Symbolism that is on the surface, but for some underlying issues within myself. I honestly feel that there are some things within me that NEEDS to be protected. And with said Protection, it is practically breaking me Mentally and Emotionally. As if a Massive Vent Session is on the horizon, and I may not be viewed as the Strong One as I have always been known to be perceived. I, of all people, know how powerful my words can uplift people and how dangerous my words can be in making myself look like a Ruinous Beast, a proverbial Engine of Destruction that has no control over himself and his emotions.
Whenever I write about Darkness, I always feel better afterwards. It is my outlet for alot of pent up anger, frustrations, and all out Evil that is in my head. Not writing it, would show a Reversal of who I have grown up to become today.
This level of Darkness, however, is of a different type of animal. I HONESTLY HAVE NO IDEA what would happen if I let this type of Darkness out of me, as I feel that the damage that it would cause would be overall Devestating and completely Contradictory towards everything that I stand for.
I guess that is why I keep everything bottled up inside of me, and not allow anyone on the inside to bear witness to my erratic mind and behavior. I fear that if I do, I will Personally redefine the term "Emotionally Unstable," which I know for a God given fact that I am such a person.
I know that there are those who wish to listen to what Needs to be said from this portion of my psyche. Believe when I say, it's like that episode of Scrubs where Carla took off the top of her head where J.D. asked her to let him in as far as how she was feeling and what she was thinking.
Yeah. Something like that WOULD Occur if I let anyone in as far as what is going on in my head... *Looking Up*
Hopefully, whoever wants in (IF I ALLOW IT), doesn't melt during and after the session.
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