I had this conversation with 2 people, was and still is weighing on my mind, and I just feel the need to write something about this.
Last night's conversation with a good friend of mine had me thinking a lot when my head hit the pillow. I feel that I am coming within extreme proximity of a Crossroad in my Life. I need to make some choices that will be frowned upon by several people (Which I REALLY Don't Give a Fuck, because this is MY LIFE and MY CHOICE). And with those Choices, my Happiness is at stake.
I'm Frustrated with what is going on as far as certain Aspects of my Life. I'm Frustrated with doing a lot, and not seeing any progression in what I have done.
I am SIMPLY, Frustrated.
Yeah, I can Kick, Scream, Yell, Beat someone down. Yet, all of that doesn't fix anything or move anything forward for me. I have done much, and more. And although many things were from the Goodness of my Heart, it's just a waste in my God Honest Opinion. I know for a fact that I can do ONE THING, and all of this Frustration will go away.
Yet, at what Cost?
My Integrity? My Stances on Life? The way that I look at myself?
*Frustrated SIGH*
Look...
Real Talk? I don't care who reads this. I REALLY don't. Those that spoke to me about this topic, knows what I am feeling; God Willing, Understands my Frustrations and Thoughts. My Dad and I speak on this Daily, and although it relieves the feeling for a while, it doesn't really do anything as far as getting what Needs to be Done DONE. Venting helps, but the same End Result occurs.
I'm REALLY not letting anyone in as far as this matter; I don't need a lot of people in my Business giving me Shitty, Sad, Embarrassing, Non Productive, Ear Bleeding, Vomit Inducing, Bowel Releasing, Vein Popping, Brain Exploding, Armageddon Bringing, Death Harbingering, End Of The World FUCKED UP Advice. This Vent is all I am giving. Beyond that...
Saturday Nights, while I am FaceBooking or on IMVU, I turn to the Adult Swim programming on Cartoon Network Around 11PM. Around the 12AM time slot, it is straight Japanese Anime until 6AM or so. During that time frame, a show entitled "FullMetal Alchemist" comes on. To tell the Truth, I tend to become entranced by the show; Action, Comedy, Romance, Science (In EVERY Aspect, which I will touch on in this writing) and best of all, POLITICAL.
Here is the "FullMetal Alchemist" Opening Theme Song. Yes, seeing that it is Anime, the song will be in Japanese:
As written in the second definition found on Dictionary.com...
Alchemy: any magical power or process of transmuting a common substance, usually of little value, into a substance of great value.
The premise of the show, is a relatively simple one:
The above pictured Protagonists, Ed (the Blonde) and his little brother Alphonse (who became Living Armor with a Soul), are looking for the Philosopher's Stone; to return Alphonse to his Human Form and to resurrect their deceased Mother as they uphold the Integrity and Values of being State Alchemists (A State Alchemist is an alchemist employed by the Amestrian State Military as part of an elite government mandated program; Simply put, the boys are Military Men).
*More on Who and What a State Alchemist is as well as their Duties, please click here: State Alchemist
The show has explained Alchemy, as well as the Law of Equivalent Exchange:
"People cannot gain anything without sacrificing something. You must present something of equal value in order to gain something. That is the principle of equivalent exchange in alchemy."
Very true; when was the last time ANYONE saw something created out of thin air, WITH THEIR OWN EYES?
When we think about it, Simple Alchemy happens every day. It does happen all around us:
-Simple food Ingredients to create a Meal
-Vocal and Visual Stimuli to create Thought, which then transitions from Multiple Thoughts to Ideas and Actions
-Leaves on a tree changing colors (we already know that it is chlorophyll and the lack of that due to the lack of Daily Sunshine causes the change, but stay with me)
Sadly there is a bit of Alchemy that we, or they (The Show), has not yet figured out: Re-birthing the Deceased, which is the plan of our above pictured Heroes. The show begged one more question, and I am sure that once you read it, you will think about it as well:
"The Cost of Re-Birthing the Dead; What are you willing to Sacrifice to bring back the Loved One that is Deceased?"
Anyhow, that is the show that I watch and enjoy. Check it out, if you Like! You just might like it as well.
*I'm going to find and Buy That Pocket Watch!!* LOL!!
Alright; right to the meat of my Blog. I chose to speak on Alchemy because there is a question that is swirling in my mind that I also had the pleasure of speaking with 2 young women with whom I have ALWAYS had great conversations:
"If I were to be in a situation that would benefit my Future, what would I wind up Sacrificing in order to attain that Future Situation?"
I'll speak in Layman's Terms: If I were to be in a Relationship, what will I give up in exchange for that?
When I had this initial thought, A few Sacrifices would be obvious:
-Single Life
-Not Answering to Anyone
-No Arguments (If any were to arise, yet we ARE speaking on Relationships)
-No Breakups (HUGE Selling Point)
Then I thought and dug a bit more into the question. I soon realized that there is ONE Item that I know, if I were in a Relationship being all "Lovey Dovey" and Incredibly Happy, would suffer the Hardest and Greatest and makes me Who I Am:
My Ability to Write.
Before anyone says that I am Delusional for thinking that, let me give a little History:
I was with my Ex from January 2002 up to the last day in May 2007; DID NOT Write a thing. First time I wrote was AFTER we Broke Up.
The young woman I was with from May 2008 up to Election Day 2008; Wrote ONE TIME about her and I being together DURING the time. Wrote for the first time around January 2009 (and I REALLY did not want to write about that break up, yet NEEDED to). I am still getting the residual out.
My writing has suffered greatly in relationships because my brain was STUCK ON STUPID. I don't know what happened at those times.
Maybe touching It caused a Brain Freeze, then a Coma. I don't know...
I know that whenever I got into a relationship, or something CLOSELY resembling a relationship, I go blank mentally. I am so swept up in the pageantry of the situation, that I forget my Individuality (which, HONESTLY, is what a majority of people have an issue with, and I DARE ANYONE to tell me otherwise). Something about a Relationship causes me to lose the Ability to write. Maybe a Shift in Priorities? A Renewed Focus? I'm not really sure...
At the same time, if I am not in a relationship, my Ability is intact, yet I run the risk of being alone for a very long time. As we already know (DESPITE what Others may Think or Believe), we are meant to be paired and mated in order to live as Full a Life as possible.
My Belief; you don't like it? Stop Reading, and Move On.
For those that have stuck around, please continue reading.
I spoke with a friend of mine last night about this writing, where it was suggested to me that I can write about "Happy Things" that are going on with me in the relationship.
:-/
Sorry, my dear; that's a No-Go. Because for myself, writing about "Happy Things" going on in a Relationship is the Proverbial "Kiss Of Death." That was what happened with the 2ND relationship (IF, you count 6 months a Relationship). Yet at the same time, I do Thank You for your suggestion. It's just not my Style to put that aspect of my Life on Display, and now I see why.
So, the Immortal Question which a lot of people should ask is: Are you willing to Risk losing something that makes You who you are, in exchange for something that could make you That Much Greater in your own Eyes down the Road?
All in all, I MUST look at the Basic Fundamentals of Alchemy: "Take something of Little Value (in this case, my being Single), and making it into something of Great Value (a Relationship, and possibly more, if Time, Effort and other variables permit)." I am Comfortable with myself to say that my being Single is of Little Value, and could CARE LESS if someone says otherwise; "In One Ear, Out The Other." Plain and Simple.
*SIDEBAR*
For myself to acknowledge things within me that I know Full Well Needs Improving and Improvement, I'll call MYSELF on it. And when I do that, I have the Power to write it, and not care about who thinks what about that item. I Write And Post For Me.
P.S.: If you didn't notice, I was speaking on the Human Mental Science; the Science I referred to at the beginning of this Blog.
*Out of All of the Promos, this one gets me every single time because of its Controversy (HINT HINT). Raul is Bishop Eddie Long:*
On November 10, 2010, I had the pleasure of being in attendance of and for "THE LMAO SHOW" Premiere at the Millcreek Tavern on the second floor at 42ND and Chester Avenue in Philadelphia, PA. It was cold outside that night, and despite my GPS acting like an derelict degenerate (Thanks, Sprint Navigation! :-/ ), I was relieved and extremely happy when I got inside the bar to warm up.
I was one of the first to arrive, and was greeted warmly by the Cast that has put their Hearts and Souls into this night that they have been promoting for 9 months. My old friend Raul Johnstone and I discussed how nervous and deeply vested that his friends, family and supporters were and are in the success of their show (Even if there were comical Threats of Divorce from their respective spouses). I was soon introduced to Kenyatta Carter, the man that played the Honorable Elijah Muhammad in the "Malcolm X" Promo, who is also the other half of the Brain Child that they brought to Life. I shook his hand as he thanked me for coming out and he passed a DVD to me after I paid my entrance fee.
*Here is the Promo of Kenyatta playing the Honorable Elijah Muhammad*
As I received the DVD, I was grinning like a little boy with his favorite candy; I can have laughs whenever I wanted and it was in my possession!! As time went on, I saw a few classmates from H.S. that wished me well with my Health and Life Goals. I thanked them and wished nothing but the same for them as well. They played the Special Features of the DVD which contained 5 of their Promotional Skits that are featured on The LMAO Show page on FaceBook. They had a bartender as well as wings, chicken tenders along with macaroni salad for their buffet. I'm pretty picky with macaroni salad (WHO ISN'T?), yet it was pretty alright. I swore I smelled fish, but it was the chicken I was smelling. *Insert Sad Face*
It's alright; I'm having Fish tonight! HA!!!!
Around 10:30PM, there was a pretty good turnout when Raul introduced himself and his cast mates along with other crew members, and the show was shown on 3 Flat Screen Televisions in the upstairs bar.
While watching the show, and sitting next to a group of young ladies, I was grinning because the Show's vision came to Life on those television screens. The crew, in their very first DVD, did a pretty good job! With occasional glances at the camera, and moments of covering up their laughter from their own Comedy, their show was funny and good for their first time out. As the show went on, I was laughing hard and I heard a good amount of laughter from the crowd as all 8 skits played out. On occasion, one young lady would tap me and ask what they said and what they meant by something that was said. I explained the joke(s), and she was satisfied with my response and kept watching. Despite the Sound System being a bit loud, we were able to hear the show as the laughs kept coming with every sick joke that they threw at us. My face was hurting while I was watching and I LOVED IT!!! And those that REALLY know me, knows that it takes a special kind of Humor to make my face hurt like that.
After the show was over, Raul and his crew were greeted with handshakes, hugs and smiles for their very hard work. I shook hands with the crew and spoke with both Kenyatta and Raul, where they both agreed that the show is a work in progress and will only get better in the months and years to come. I was even asked how I honestly felt about the show and what could they do to make it better. I told them that I enjoyed it, and they potentially found the formula for making people laugh.
I truly believe that as time goes forward with the LMAO Show and the men and women that worked so hard on it, the Work in Progress will become a Work of Art.
