Hypothetically, It Wasn't

I am sure that a number of you in Specific Groups on Facebook has seen my post yesterday:

I have a Hypothetical Question for you all:

A Young Woman is dating 2 Men. She likes one of the men a little more than the other. She Proceeds to tell the Man that she is a little more interested in that she is interested in the Other Guy; all in the name of getting a Desired Reaction from the Man she is more interested in. The Man that she is more interested in tells her that she should go with the other guy.

Is that Man Wrong for saying that she should pursue the other man?

The responses that were received were intriguing, entertaining, as well as informative. From the bottom of my Heart to those that have responded, I Thank You. Ranging from flat out "No", up to detailed explanations, I have learned a lot from you all and I cannot be happier. Some of the responses that I have received to the above situation are the following:

Chaya A.: Nope....just cuz she's feeling him like that doesn't me he feels the same.

William J.: ‎^^^Word!! Also I personally detest women who do that because its nothing more than an ego trip which I'm not willing to partake of. #deuces#

Claudia S.: Nope because she's trying to play games.

Amir R.: She is trying to manipulate one man to tell her what she wants to hear instead of asking him and being forward seems to not be her aim. Therefore,she needs to grow up or possibly get a man that will play the same games with her. She'll probably say,"men play to many games". lmao@those who do these things. Dude doesnt even want her "optional ass". lol. Been there. Her ass was sidelined. 
*whistle blown* get her outta here

Michelle R.: Not at all, he doesn't have to give into what she is wanting more. It is his life as well and his happiness..

Lashonya M.: hes not wrong, ppl play too many head games, he prolly dont wanna go thru drama, which sounds like what she may be very capable of bringing to his life

Chandra B.: She playin' games... If a man I'm dating tells me he's more interested in another chick he's dating, I'm movin' on. If that's the case, Im feelin like he's just wasting my time.. So even if this chick do tell him the "real story" he won't know if she's foreal or not.

Velvety G.: Nobody can make another person love them. I don't care how many games they try to play or how many lies they try to tell. It will all eventually backfire on the guilty party. If a person has strong feelings for another, nothing and nobody can change it. No matter how they may plot or scheme it, its time to move on.

RevDenni M.: Hell no he isn't wrong!! If she's playing games now, she'll always be playing them.

David S.: She was STUPID... Lesson 101 all males have EGO's, and want to be the TOP DOG! That is a normal response, She should have never said anything. If she wanted him to try harder she should have said something like ... DUDE Im loosing attention.. so step your game up... She done Lost Her FEMALE Players card. David Smith Its really both side, If people would just come correct Men & Women, Say what you want and mean what you say. And be true in what you want. When you put the physical in from of real life every day needs then you loose. Like I tell my daughters who want these bad boys, Bad boys are fun for a short thrill ride but if you want a constant thrill find one that got something going on for the long term, one with a career not just a job, one who can shine, there out there you have to be picky in your selection.

Michael F.: The man is at fault for nothing. The woman is shopping around and wants more from this "seller". He says nope. So she can take it or leave it. Her play failed, weakening her hand. The man sounds like he knows what he's doing.

Glen R.: He is CORRECT. If I know that a woman likes another guy more, hey go be with him. I refuse to have to running around all confused not knowing which way to go. That was not a good move on her part

Cy N.: Half deeez chicks done messed up from not gettin the DUDE they wanted anyway... SMDH

Angela W.: No he is not time waits for no one he probably thought he was the only one she was dating. i wouldn't blame him for not wanting to be "possibly" second string.

Jai S.: Don't ask questions if you can't handle all possible answers! She should have kept going out with both until she was positive. Then just drop the other. Though we are honest, classy women don't throw other men in someone's face!

Brian G.: No, if she was really interested she shouldn't have took that gamble hoping to get a certain reaction. She played a game and lost...

ALtariq R.: Nope, just because he responded in his answer wasn't what she wanted to hear. Doesn't make him wrong at all.

Malcolm M.: Nope, it gives him the power over her instead of the other way around plus, it is a "classy" thing to say and do.

Maria B.: Nope. You play pussy, you get fucked. She got what she deserved

ChaneAkwau J.: No, Chick kick rocks...No school house rock over here!


Once again, I Thank EVERYONE for taking time out of their day to respond to my post.

Now here is the thing.

As Amir R. pointed out, he himself has been there. He recognized the question, and he knew at that time how to handle the situation. I tip my hat to you, sir.

And I myself have been there. This Hypothetical Question is not Hypothetical. This actually happened to many people; for me, it was in the Summer of 2000.

I was speaking with a female friend a couple of days ago about this very situation that has occurred to me. That young lady felt that I should have made the opposite choice and gone along with what was going on. I defended my ground and took it one step further by telling her what I saw in that situation:

"What that woman pulled was a Power Move; I know a Power Move when I see it. And in seeing that, I saw it for what it was, and I REFUSED to go along with it. That was my choice and decision; I stuck with it. And I do not regret doing what I did. All I can say is this: If you like 2 people and want to be in a relationship with one of them, go with the second guy, for the simple reason that if you are REALLY feeling the first guy, the second guy would NOT have been an option to begin with."

*I was a LITTLE ahead of Mr. Depp at the time the event occurred. Great to see that he confirmed what I was thinking when I said what I said to that young lady in 2000.*


My friend didn't like the response and she stood her ground in regards to what I did and why I should have gone down the other road. I did not particularly like what she said, yet I Respected and Respect her stance.

Here is how this situation went down (from MY Perspective and from My Best Recollection):


I took the Amtrak train from 30TH Street Station to Millersville University on Friday afternoon. I met the lady of interest at the station, and we went back to her apartment. We had dinner after I settled down after the trip, and we enjoyed each other's company the entire weekend; going out, meeting her friends, and having fun overall. We kept in contact daily and liked each other. This was ongoing for 6 months.

One Friday Night, she called me, and she had something on her mind. She voiced that she was dating another man and she was liking him a little more than me. She wanted to know what I wanted to say to that. Without hesitation, I told her to go with the other guy. She was silent for about 2 minutes. She stumbled on her words a little, and came out with one Word to begin what would ARGUABLY BE the Worst Decision she would make: "Wow."

She then proceeds to say something along the lines of, "If that is how you feel, then I will go with the other guy! I thought you would have said something different."

After that, I haven't heard from her in months. I kept the lines of communication open, and placed her into the "Friend Zone". She called me about two years later, and she told me that she regretted what she did in regards to putting me into that position. She apologized for what she had done and has asked for my Forgiveness. Naturally, I was skeptical. At the end of the day, I told her that I forgive her for what she has done. After she told me that the relationship with the other guy buckled and faltered in 3 months or so, she asked if I was in a relationship. I told her yes I was in a relationship (I was in fact in a relationship at that time, and was the Happiest S.O.B. on the planet, too!). Her hopeful tone changed to a tone of sadness, as she said that she was happy for me and wished for the best.


This situation DOES fit in with the "Regretfully, I Am Not" blog that I wrote a couple of days ago (http://aboyd378.blogspot.com/2012/04/regretfully-i-am-not.html). The reason is a rather simple one:

She made a play she was hoping that would benefit her. Things did not go as planned, and she has and had lived with her decision. Would she desire a do over? I'm sure she would have, yet I cannot speak on her behalf. I tried to keep a friendship going with her, but it came to a head in 2007, and all communications ceased; things ran its course, and that was the end result.


What have I learned from all of this? Aside from you all giving a unanimous decision that mirrored my response, everyone is entitled to their Opinion; that is how we learn from one another and understand one's thought process. We may not particularly agree with what was or being said, yet we as People AND Sentient Human Beings should have a degree of comprehension in regards Respecting that person's opinion; no matter what that opinion may be at that time.



~© 2012 Andrew Boyd~