I can see how their merchandising gets the Respect that it earned as well as deserves.
I can see it in the way that this city is Aggressive and a Go-Getter.
I Love New York.
I SINCERELY do.
The Big City with an even Bigger Lifeline.
Passionate, Beautiful and Vibrant at every turn.
A Power House that shouldn't be upsetted by anything.
An Excellent and Exalted Metropolis that I take Personal Pleasure in seeing, experiencing and visiting often.
I left my heart in San Francisco? HELL NO!! It's in New York!!
And I have my dear girl friends to prove it!! Such a Lively and Energetic group of Ladies with whom I Love to my very Core because they personify what Women and Ladies are.
YET, MY FELLOW AND DEDICATED READERS...
I saw some Bullshit Fuckery that PISSED ME OFF TO NO END!!! And oddly enough, it seems that a few of my girl friends informed me that this behavior is the norm in their great city. And I'll start with a question:
"What the FUCK is with you Men of New York?!"
I'm talking about the Non-Chivalrous, can't hold the door, REFUSING to get up for a young lady to sit down on a crowded train or bus ASSHOLES!! These individuals are lucky that I didn't pack any gloves (INSIDER) and proceeded to Pimp Slap the teeth out of their mouths!
You know something, Ladies and Gentlemen? I stand for non violence like Dr. King. But DAMMIT, I was about to step out of character this weekend, and it was right after I got off the Greyhound Bus when I entered the Port Authority!!!
I Saw these Alleged "Men" not engage in the following:
-Holding the door for the ladies so they can walk through
-Standing up for the ladies to sit down from a hard day's work, which they would have appreciated and been reminded that there are DECENT Men in the city, if not the World
-Stimulating conversation that would have broaden their horizons as far as getting to know a young lady better (KEY ITEM FOR THE SINGLE GUYS)
-Excuse themselves for bumping into a young lady as they were going to their destination (Esp. when she is holding a child's hand or holding bags, whick irks the FUCK out of me).
I can provide examples as far as how a MAN should act.
When I went to NY in March and met with Joy and Kali, I made it a point to hold doors, have them sit before I sat, sat on the outermost seat (Where if a server were to spill something, it would hit me and not them), walked on the curbside (in case a driver was feeling overzealous that day), had them get into the cab before I did (despite their insisting that I sit in the middle of the cab), and most of all, BE COURTEOUS AND RESPECTFUL OF THEIR PRESENCE.
This past weekend, I held the door for Caprice, went to the Shrine and stood up as the ladies went to sit down, THEN I sat down. When N'Tirzah was at the table in which we were occupying, I got up, and escorted N'Tirzah to my seat and I stood up for the majority of the evening (Even if I was taking 400+ pics, it was still the point that I was Man Enough to stand my narrow ass up, just so a young lady could sit down and rest).
I am not looking for Brownie Points, plain and simple. I am Old School, Old Fashioned, was and still am being Raised Right. The way that I acted, is a Prime Example as to how Men all over SHOULD be acting. I saw Caprice's point when we spoke on this:
Me: "I can see why the women here do not Respect the Men here."
Caprice: "Yeah. They are going out of the city to find a Man."
Me: "Hi! I'm Andrew. Nice to meet you! How are you?"
LOL!!!
"Men" (And I use that word LOOSELY) of New York:
Step your game up, and reclaim your Masculinity and the Role in which was bestowed upon you when you were born and being raised. Don't make up the pathetic excuses of "My Father wasn't there! I had no Role Models! I don't know any better!"
Read My Lips: FUCK YOU.
You had positive Role Models; You chose that your way was the Right Way, and that is why you are fucked up now and cannot find and sustain a healthy relationship with a GOOD WOMAN.
And YES!! I CAN SAY THAT SHIT!!! I know what a Man looks like in Public as well as in Private and I know FOR A FACT how they act, because...
I was raised by one, and taught by many.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 17, 2010
How Strong (Mentally, Emotionally) Are You, The People, Really?
I lived alot of Life, Ladies and Gentlemen.
Yeah, I sound like an old guy, yet I am not getting any younger.
Seeing all that alot of friends, family as well as myself have been through (Mentally, Finacially, Physically, Emotionally), I cannot help but question the mettle of those looking in from the outside. The Support from those that we all encounter is nothing short of fantastic and something to marvel. But it makes me question a few items:
"Can those looking in from the outside TRULY Hang in the face of this type of adversity?"
"If it was you, how soon would you give up on yourself, knowing full well that this would be your Life from that day forward?"
"If you would and could turn to someone, would they welcome and embrace you with open arms and let you know that you will survive and be just fine? Or would they turn their back on you, only to leave you buried in your woes and citing that they were never your Ally in your struggle initially?"
Let's look at Question 1: "Can those looking in from the outside TRULY Hang in the face of this type of adversity?"
I ran into so few of these types, that it made me smile. This is the question that a few friends of mine answered very honestly:
"No, I couldn't hang and do what you do."
I have so much Respect for those that can answer this one in this fashion. It tells me that they are THAT Honest within themselves that they can answer this question truthfully and know their limitations. I truly Love those that can say this and not be embarrassed to say it, instead of putting on a mask and portaying themselves as a fraud.
Question 2: "If it was you, how soon would you give up on yourself, knowing full well that this would be your Life from that day forward?"
Now with this question, I heard people say that they wouldn't give up on themselves. To tell the Truth, I think otherwise.
Not everyone is built in the fashion to take on a Traumatic occurence in their Life to where they would be that strong within themselves to sustain their sanity. HONESTLY, there aren't too many people that are mentally equipped and adept to handle occurences of this nature.
I would be a cynical liar if I said that I do not seek a bit of pleasure in seeing those people who think that they are "All That" to take on a heavy load such as those that are taking in a heavy load on the regular, only to watch in awe for them to fall flat on their face. Realistically, they wouldn't be able to know how to take that First and Critical Step in which to learn how to handle as well as deal with those that are struggling in their own way.
Would you trade places with those people that are carrying a heavier load than you? No, you would not. And for the very simple reason that you refuse and cannot accept the fact that you are, in truth, Weaker than what you claim. My suggestion for those that are this way is simple: Grow a set, be upfront and honest within yourself and stop lying to others. More importantly, stop lying to yourself about how allegedly "Strong" you are. Leave the True Strength to the Professionals, like myself.
Question 3 is obviously a Two-Parter: "If you would and could turn to someone, would they welcome and embrace you with open arms and let you know that you will survive and be just fine? Or would they turn their back on you, only to leave you buried in your woes and citing that they were never your Ally in your struggle initially?"
Part One, I have benefitted so much from that, it calms me and fuels my desire to be even stronger than before. I can name names as far as those that have walked with me and have walked by my side through the Hell that WE (And I can damn sure say We) been through. I know from the first part that I am living not only for myself, but living for those that are with me; Giving them Strength, Motivation and Desire to be better and stronger than before. Their Strength is reciprocated through me, causing their strength to flourish in tendfold.
Part Two, is a little trickier to answer, but hey. This is Andrew we are talking about.
Those that hear what is going on with you as they smile and nod like the idiots that they are, are already planning their "Exit Strategy" to not be the Support System that is Critical to your mentality that is already fragile due to the situation(s) in which you are going through.
This is the "Classic" mark of a self absorbed individual that could care less about what is going on in your Life UNTIL it happens to them. Then they are looking for your Sympathy which we, as those that have been or are STILL in that situation(s), are going to show towards them during their time in need.
Why do we do that? Because we, as those who struggled with the sitation(s), are Compassionate towards those who are experiencing that same hardship. Those that are going through items in their Life are Naturally Compassionate for others, because we know that Life is hard, and we deal as best as possible all the while we uplift those that are struggling.
At the same time, those that are turning their back on those individuals, they are in fact giving us that much more motivation to push even harder than before, just to show OURSELVES (Not them) that we can Hang in there and ride things out and get through the Struggle. So in reality, their Weakness is truly our Strength.
All in all, How Strong are you all Really? I know my Strength. I know the strength that my closest friends possess. If you are truly that strong for your friends and family, then you have strength enough within yourself to show your support for them during their time in need.
To the Weaklings and the Self Absorbed: Grow a set and Step Up for your Friends and Family. They will Thank You for it some day. And Hell, you'll discover some things about yourself along the way.
Yeah, I sound like an old guy, yet I am not getting any younger.
Seeing all that alot of friends, family as well as myself have been through (Mentally, Finacially, Physically, Emotionally), I cannot help but question the mettle of those looking in from the outside. The Support from those that we all encounter is nothing short of fantastic and something to marvel. But it makes me question a few items:
"Can those looking in from the outside TRULY Hang in the face of this type of adversity?"
"If it was you, how soon would you give up on yourself, knowing full well that this would be your Life from that day forward?"
"If you would and could turn to someone, would they welcome and embrace you with open arms and let you know that you will survive and be just fine? Or would they turn their back on you, only to leave you buried in your woes and citing that they were never your Ally in your struggle initially?"
Let's look at Question 1: "Can those looking in from the outside TRULY Hang in the face of this type of adversity?"
I ran into so few of these types, that it made me smile. This is the question that a few friends of mine answered very honestly:
"No, I couldn't hang and do what you do."
I have so much Respect for those that can answer this one in this fashion. It tells me that they are THAT Honest within themselves that they can answer this question truthfully and know their limitations. I truly Love those that can say this and not be embarrassed to say it, instead of putting on a mask and portaying themselves as a fraud.
Question 2: "If it was you, how soon would you give up on yourself, knowing full well that this would be your Life from that day forward?"
Now with this question, I heard people say that they wouldn't give up on themselves. To tell the Truth, I think otherwise.
Not everyone is built in the fashion to take on a Traumatic occurence in their Life to where they would be that strong within themselves to sustain their sanity. HONESTLY, there aren't too many people that are mentally equipped and adept to handle occurences of this nature.
I would be a cynical liar if I said that I do not seek a bit of pleasure in seeing those people who think that they are "All That" to take on a heavy load such as those that are taking in a heavy load on the regular, only to watch in awe for them to fall flat on their face. Realistically, they wouldn't be able to know how to take that First and Critical Step in which to learn how to handle as well as deal with those that are struggling in their own way.
Would you trade places with those people that are carrying a heavier load than you? No, you would not. And for the very simple reason that you refuse and cannot accept the fact that you are, in truth, Weaker than what you claim. My suggestion for those that are this way is simple: Grow a set, be upfront and honest within yourself and stop lying to others. More importantly, stop lying to yourself about how allegedly "Strong" you are. Leave the True Strength to the Professionals, like myself.
Question 3 is obviously a Two-Parter: "If you would and could turn to someone, would they welcome and embrace you with open arms and let you know that you will survive and be just fine? Or would they turn their back on you, only to leave you buried in your woes and citing that they were never your Ally in your struggle initially?"
Part One, I have benefitted so much from that, it calms me and fuels my desire to be even stronger than before. I can name names as far as those that have walked with me and have walked by my side through the Hell that WE (And I can damn sure say We) been through. I know from the first part that I am living not only for myself, but living for those that are with me; Giving them Strength, Motivation and Desire to be better and stronger than before. Their Strength is reciprocated through me, causing their strength to flourish in tendfold.
Part Two, is a little trickier to answer, but hey. This is Andrew we are talking about.
Those that hear what is going on with you as they smile and nod like the idiots that they are, are already planning their "Exit Strategy" to not be the Support System that is Critical to your mentality that is already fragile due to the situation(s) in which you are going through.
This is the "Classic" mark of a self absorbed individual that could care less about what is going on in your Life UNTIL it happens to them. Then they are looking for your Sympathy which we, as those that have been or are STILL in that situation(s), are going to show towards them during their time in need.
Why do we do that? Because we, as those who struggled with the sitation(s), are Compassionate towards those who are experiencing that same hardship. Those that are going through items in their Life are Naturally Compassionate for others, because we know that Life is hard, and we deal as best as possible all the while we uplift those that are struggling.
At the same time, those that are turning their back on those individuals, they are in fact giving us that much more motivation to push even harder than before, just to show OURSELVES (Not them) that we can Hang in there and ride things out and get through the Struggle. So in reality, their Weakness is truly our Strength.
All in all, How Strong are you all Really? I know my Strength. I know the strength that my closest friends possess. If you are truly that strong for your friends and family, then you have strength enough within yourself to show your support for them during their time in need.
To the Weaklings and the Self Absorbed: Grow a set and Step Up for your Friends and Family. They will Thank You for it some day. And Hell, you'll discover some things about yourself along the way.
Friday, June 11, 2010
A Stranger's Danger; The Name's Andrew
You know what, people?
I Love Me.
I Love the person that I am, how I was raised, how I turned out as an adult(despite some areas where I should have exercised a little more sense, but I learned my lessons and put those lessons to great use in order to better myself in the future). I have Love for those that are upfront, straight up and Honest about who they are. Even those that are arrogant and exude an aura to where their shit smell like the greatest fragrance on the Planet where we should dab a bit behind our ears, I Love them as well.
My question to you is (and I am guilty of doing this myself), How KNOWLEDGEABLE of another person are you where you can call them on their stuff?
It's no secret that I am an Emotional person (Bite me hard if you don't like it or find me weak for being that. I call it HUMAN) and I wear my Heart on my sleeve often. I am taming that part of me, and it is a work in progress. It is said Emotion that fuels my Passion for Debate. Without my Emotion in Debates, they are simply Empty Words. Now, here's the meat of the scenario...
I am Objectional, just as much as I am Supportive when it comes to you, The People. Those that do not know me like that, whenever I comment on an item anywhere, they attempt to test my Logic and Thinking on the topic at hand.
Perfect Example. When I wrote my Self Proclaimed Blog of the Year "Misogyny, Misogynism And Misogynists: Women’s ULTIMATE Nightmare," I wrote about an individual named James H., who spoke on how "Danger Makes Women's Panties Wet." Those that read the Misogyny blog read how I called him on his thoughts pertaining to the subject matter. He responeded, and I silenced him with 3 words:
"Correction. Captain Considerate."
Like I stated before, I am a Debater by Nature. And I find it funny how people who do not have a clue as to who I am DARE to try me on something that I say and said. Only those that interact with me on the regular are capable of taking me out intellectually. Trust and Believe when I say that whoever is reading this, has the Skill to shut me up on alot of topics (Tough, but Doable).
Personally, it is entertaining how these "Rookies" think that they know everything, when in reality WE ALL have not begun to scratch the surface of the knowledge that was instilled within us by previous Generations. I feel that the old addage remains VERY TRUE, and I'll end this blog on said Addage:
"God gave us two eyes, two ears and one mouth for a reason. To Observe and Listen twice as much as we Speak."
I Love Me.
I Love the person that I am, how I was raised, how I turned out as an adult(despite some areas where I should have exercised a little more sense, but I learned my lessons and put those lessons to great use in order to better myself in the future). I have Love for those that are upfront, straight up and Honest about who they are. Even those that are arrogant and exude an aura to where their shit smell like the greatest fragrance on the Planet where we should dab a bit behind our ears, I Love them as well.
My question to you is (and I am guilty of doing this myself), How KNOWLEDGEABLE of another person are you where you can call them on their stuff?
It's no secret that I am an Emotional person (Bite me hard if you don't like it or find me weak for being that. I call it HUMAN) and I wear my Heart on my sleeve often. I am taming that part of me, and it is a work in progress. It is said Emotion that fuels my Passion for Debate. Without my Emotion in Debates, they are simply Empty Words. Now, here's the meat of the scenario...
I am Objectional, just as much as I am Supportive when it comes to you, The People. Those that do not know me like that, whenever I comment on an item anywhere, they attempt to test my Logic and Thinking on the topic at hand.
Perfect Example. When I wrote my Self Proclaimed Blog of the Year "Misogyny, Misogynism And Misogynists: Women’s ULTIMATE Nightmare," I wrote about an individual named James H., who spoke on how "Danger Makes Women's Panties Wet." Those that read the Misogyny blog read how I called him on his thoughts pertaining to the subject matter. He responeded, and I silenced him with 3 words:
"Correction. Captain Considerate."
Like I stated before, I am a Debater by Nature. And I find it funny how people who do not have a clue as to who I am DARE to try me on something that I say and said. Only those that interact with me on the regular are capable of taking me out intellectually. Trust and Believe when I say that whoever is reading this, has the Skill to shut me up on alot of topics (Tough, but Doable).
Personally, it is entertaining how these "Rookies" think that they know everything, when in reality WE ALL have not begun to scratch the surface of the knowledge that was instilled within us by previous Generations. I feel that the old addage remains VERY TRUE, and I'll end this blog on said Addage:
"God gave us two eyes, two ears and one mouth for a reason. To Observe and Listen twice as much as we Speak."
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Hiatus: Chapter 28
1. How are you feeling today?
Satiated
Verb: To have satisfied to the full; sated
2. What did you do today?
Had dinner with the Family, and cracked up at "Family Guy," and watched a bit of Sports and 60 Minutes. The people called it in early.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
My Stomach is about to bust...
Ribs, Potato Salad, Greens, Steak Roast and a Lamb Roast wrapped in Bacon.
Need I say more?
I have to curb my eating a little bit. I'm not as young as I used to be. I still have a Decent Metabolism, but Age and Gravity is catching up. Regardless, I'll still eat for pleasure, just as much as I do for Survival.
If you'll excuse me, I'm getting a bowl of Raisin Bran.
Satiated
Verb: To have satisfied to the full; sated
2. What did you do today?
Had dinner with the Family, and cracked up at "Family Guy," and watched a bit of Sports and 60 Minutes. The people called it in early.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
My Stomach is about to bust...
Ribs, Potato Salad, Greens, Steak Roast and a Lamb Roast wrapped in Bacon.
Need I say more?
I have to curb my eating a little bit. I'm not as young as I used to be. I still have a Decent Metabolism, but Age and Gravity is catching up. Regardless, I'll still eat for pleasure, just as much as I do for Survival.
If you'll excuse me, I'm getting a bowl of Raisin Bran.
Hiatus: Chapter 27
1. How are you feeling today?
Speechless
Adjective: Temporarily deprived of speech by strong emotion, physical weakness, exhaustion, etc.
2. What did you do today?
Woke up early and did some early morning running around. Was shocked by the subject matter at the moment.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
Joy and Pain-- Maze and Frankie Beverly ---Soul
Speechless...
JUST Speechless.
I, at times, know when a friend is in need. As if I am their proverbial 9-1-1. I go to them when I feel a difference in their Air Pressure or when they call on me, and I help where I can.
Then a thought that I had came to mind, as it came from the movie "S.W.A.T."...
![]()
*Looking up and Nodding in Approval*
My 9-1-1 IM'd me this morning as I was making my way to Shope Rite for Snacks for today's BBQ (I'll run the list in Chapter 28, as there will be more to discuss). A young lady whom I dismissed last year because we didn't see eye to eye on a few topics and issues contacted me today, OF ALL DAYS. When I saw the message as I was listening to my daily dose of Just Blaze's "Whatever it Takes," I froze for the second time this weekend:
"Have a Blessed Day. Hope this message finds. Hope life has smiled on you. Take care..."
My response to this IM was of shock and humbleness. She continued on:
"You have been on my mind. God put me where I was needed today. Didn't mean to disturb you but wanted to say hello."
And this part freaked me out, citing that she lives in the Midwest:
"I've been watching you from afar. In thought and vision. Don't worry about understanding. Just know I was never far away."
GOD, I WHOLEHEARTEDLY LOVE AN EMPATH!!!
And Thank God for the Empaths that I have in my Life (Joy and Dad [TECHNICALLY, he is a Gemini-Cancer Cusp, but he was born on June 21. Those that know their stuff knows that it is the longest day of the calendar year, Blessing them with a VERY POWERFUL 6th Sense]. These 3 people just KNOW Things...)
This young lady felt something was wrong with me, and she reached out to speak to me and volunteered to bring me back from the Brink. I already know that we have some hours to log in, but I am Hopeful that what Needs to be said and heard will be said and heard.
But most importantly, Understood and Acknowleged.
Speechless
Adjective: Temporarily deprived of speech by strong emotion, physical weakness, exhaustion, etc.
2. What did you do today?
Woke up early and did some early morning running around. Was shocked by the subject matter at the moment.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
Joy and Pain-- Maze and Frankie Beverly ---Soul
Speechless...
JUST Speechless.
I, at times, know when a friend is in need. As if I am their proverbial 9-1-1. I go to them when I feel a difference in their Air Pressure or when they call on me, and I help where I can.
Then a thought that I had came to mind, as it came from the movie "S.W.A.T."...
*Looking up and Nodding in Approval*
My 9-1-1 IM'd me this morning as I was making my way to Shope Rite for Snacks for today's BBQ (I'll run the list in Chapter 28, as there will be more to discuss). A young lady whom I dismissed last year because we didn't see eye to eye on a few topics and issues contacted me today, OF ALL DAYS. When I saw the message as I was listening to my daily dose of Just Blaze's "Whatever it Takes," I froze for the second time this weekend:
"Have a Blessed Day. Hope this message finds. Hope life has smiled on you. Take care..."
My response to this IM was of shock and humbleness. She continued on:
"You have been on my mind. God put me where I was needed today. Didn't mean to disturb you but wanted to say hello."
And this part freaked me out, citing that she lives in the Midwest:
"I've been watching you from afar. In thought and vision. Don't worry about understanding. Just know I was never far away."
GOD, I WHOLEHEARTEDLY LOVE AN EMPATH!!!
And Thank God for the Empaths that I have in my Life (Joy and Dad [TECHNICALLY, he is a Gemini-Cancer Cusp, but he was born on June 21. Those that know their stuff knows that it is the longest day of the calendar year, Blessing them with a VERY POWERFUL 6th Sense]. These 3 people just KNOW Things...)
This young lady felt something was wrong with me, and she reached out to speak to me and volunteered to bring me back from the Brink. I already know that we have some hours to log in, but I am Hopeful that what Needs to be said and heard will be said and heard.
But most importantly, Understood and Acknowleged.
Hiatus: Chapter 26
1. How are you feeling today?
Dark
Adjective: Hard to understand; obscure
2. What did you do today?
Spoke with a good friend that has pulled me from the brink by Challenging my Thinking in a way that I never had happen before.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
Tensaiga
Back On Track, Bathing In The Goodness That Is My Heart And Soul.
I REFUSE To Be Plighted By Your Negativity
Due To Your Not Understanding My Cryptic Code.
I Basked In The Dark Depths Once Before And Didn’t Understand It.
But At That Point In Time, I Was Young And It Was New To Me.
When I Ventured Down That Road Again, I Rather Liked It.
Not Evil Per Se, But A Chance At Self Discovery Of This Level
And An Opportunity To See What Darkness Was All About.
Via Self Discovery, I Acknowledged That It Is Not A Frame Of Mood
But Really, A Distinct Frame Of Complex Mind.
Weaving And Intertwining Throughout My Good And Protective Nature.
Choking It, Corroding It, To The Best Of Its Ability.
Thankfully, There Is Always A Light At The End Of The Tunnel
For Me To Go Towards And Break The Vicious Vice Grip That Darkness Has On Me.
I Am Thankful For My Spirit, Which I Call My Tensaiga.
Tensaiga Is The Essential Life Restorative That Brings Me Back From The Dark
Shredding And Slicing Through It, In The Way That Only He Knows How.
Releasing The Grip In Which The Darkness Has Dug Its Nails Into
Pulling Me Free From That Place, Delivering Me From Its Mental Capacity
Only To Help Cleanse Me Through The Memories Of My Good Nature And Good Ways.
My Tensaiga Never Let Me Down, And He Helps Me Get Back On Track Yet Again.
Tensaiga, I Love You. You Always Have My Best Interest At Heart, My Dearest Friend.
Sometimes, we forget that some words that are spoken can come back to bite us in the ass.
"What u gonna do about it stay in the dark or search for the light?"
I was asked this question after discussing that I felt Dark. It scared my friend that I felt that way, and it promted this question within her that...
To tell the truth, she had me on bended knee with her Blade in my Neck.
NEVER have I had this happen to me. I literally froze and couldn't answer her question. Those of you that know me VERY WELL, know for a fact that I can answer ANYTHING that is asked of me with no problem.
Her question freaked me out to where I couldn't speak for 5 minutes.
I never asked that question of myself, honestly. I just let the Darkness run its course and I grew and learned from it, instead of fighting against it. And from that Darkness, I got Cold. I shielded myself and stayed to myself.
To be Honest, I don't like it. Yet at the same time, it was necessary to protect myself from alot of things. Darkness was my Defensive Mechanism, and it was my Safety Net.
I look and reflect on this poem, and I have to remind myself that there is ALWAYS a Light at the end of the Tunnel. In this case, it IS my Soul.
My Tensaiga.
My Good Nature hasn't failed me, and it will not fail me now or ever. Even if I detach my Emotions from alot of situations and people in my Life, my Soul corrects my thinking and behavior which causes me to get back on track.
People look up to me, Whether I like it or not. I cannot let them down. Let alone, Myself...
Dark
Adjective: Hard to understand; obscure
2. What did you do today?
Spoke with a good friend that has pulled me from the brink by Challenging my Thinking in a way that I never had happen before.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
Tensaiga
Back On Track, Bathing In The Goodness That Is My Heart And Soul.
I REFUSE To Be Plighted By Your Negativity
Due To Your Not Understanding My Cryptic Code.
I Basked In The Dark Depths Once Before And Didn’t Understand It.
But At That Point In Time, I Was Young And It Was New To Me.
When I Ventured Down That Road Again, I Rather Liked It.
Not Evil Per Se, But A Chance At Self Discovery Of This Level
And An Opportunity To See What Darkness Was All About.
Via Self Discovery, I Acknowledged That It Is Not A Frame Of Mood
But Really, A Distinct Frame Of Complex Mind.
Weaving And Intertwining Throughout My Good And Protective Nature.
Choking It, Corroding It, To The Best Of Its Ability.
Thankfully, There Is Always A Light At The End Of The Tunnel
For Me To Go Towards And Break The Vicious Vice Grip That Darkness Has On Me.
I Am Thankful For My Spirit, Which I Call My Tensaiga.
Tensaiga Is The Essential Life Restorative That Brings Me Back From The Dark
Shredding And Slicing Through It, In The Way That Only He Knows How.
Releasing The Grip In Which The Darkness Has Dug Its Nails Into
Pulling Me Free From That Place, Delivering Me From Its Mental Capacity
Only To Help Cleanse Me Through The Memories Of My Good Nature And Good Ways.
My Tensaiga Never Let Me Down, And He Helps Me Get Back On Track Yet Again.
Tensaiga, I Love You. You Always Have My Best Interest At Heart, My Dearest Friend.
Sometimes, we forget that some words that are spoken can come back to bite us in the ass.
"What u gonna do about it stay in the dark or search for the light?"
I was asked this question after discussing that I felt Dark. It scared my friend that I felt that way, and it promted this question within her that...
To tell the truth, she had me on bended knee with her Blade in my Neck.
NEVER have I had this happen to me. I literally froze and couldn't answer her question. Those of you that know me VERY WELL, know for a fact that I can answer ANYTHING that is asked of me with no problem.
Her question freaked me out to where I couldn't speak for 5 minutes.
I never asked that question of myself, honestly. I just let the Darkness run its course and I grew and learned from it, instead of fighting against it. And from that Darkness, I got Cold. I shielded myself and stayed to myself.
To be Honest, I don't like it. Yet at the same time, it was necessary to protect myself from alot of things. Darkness was my Defensive Mechanism, and it was my Safety Net.
I look and reflect on this poem, and I have to remind myself that there is ALWAYS a Light at the end of the Tunnel. In this case, it IS my Soul.
My Tensaiga.
My Good Nature hasn't failed me, and it will not fail me now or ever. Even if I detach my Emotions from alot of situations and people in my Life, my Soul corrects my thinking and behavior which causes me to get back on track.
People look up to me, Whether I like it or not. I cannot let them down. Let alone, Myself...
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Hiatus: Chapter 25
1. How are you feeling today?
Aware
Adjective: Informed; alert; knowledgeable; sophisticated
2. What did you do today?
Went to my Census Meeting, and had a Massive Revelation.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eCTm3a-mZ0
Saliva - I Walk Alone
I am now Aware of what I am and was missing.
It isn't Love. It isn't Companionship. It isn't anything dealing with the Heart at all. It was something so simple that even I am shocked that I didn't see it.
My Ability to Detach my Emotions from everything; AKA Turn My Back, get in touch once again with my Loner.
Unless you are me, you CANNOT tell me different. Try it; I'll eat you alive and not feel sorry for you.
All this time, I have been caring too damn much about others that I forgot to care about myself first. And the best way that I cared about myself was to focus on Number One and do what was best for me.
I can honestly look at my phone now and know that I can either answer it, or say "Fuck It." Even if it isn't on my person, I can still pick it up, look at it and say "Fuck It" because I am concentrating on myself for once in my Life.
I did this during High School; Cared less about the people around me and focused on being the Absolute Best in my Class. I Graduated in the Top 20 because I didn't give a Flying Fuck about those that were struggling as I surpassed them.
As I worked for Nordstrom, I had compassion for the newbies, but that was all I had for them. The Veterans, I could have cared less. I was Ruthless, Cold-Hearted as I made my way up the Ranks as I claimed my throne. Granted, I kept the Good Aspect of myself because I didn't want to be that Asshole at the job. I helped where I needed to help, all in the name of Shining Brighter than anyone else and I was Revered, Respected and Admired. I was and STILL am the Best that is walking. All because I cared about myself way more than anyone else could care about me.
No one could reach the Upper Echelon that was and is my Skill Level in key aspects that made me who I am now. And it is High Time that I reconnect with that part of me again.
This time, on a more Permanent Basis.
Aware
Adjective: Informed; alert; knowledgeable; sophisticated
2. What did you do today?
Went to my Census Meeting, and had a Massive Revelation.
3. What are your Thoughts and Emotions today?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7eCTm3a-mZ0
Saliva - I Walk Alone
I am now Aware of what I am and was missing.
It isn't Love. It isn't Companionship. It isn't anything dealing with the Heart at all. It was something so simple that even I am shocked that I didn't see it.
My Ability to Detach my Emotions from everything; AKA Turn My Back, get in touch once again with my Loner.
Unless you are me, you CANNOT tell me different. Try it; I'll eat you alive and not feel sorry for you.
All this time, I have been caring too damn much about others that I forgot to care about myself first. And the best way that I cared about myself was to focus on Number One and do what was best for me.
I can honestly look at my phone now and know that I can either answer it, or say "Fuck It." Even if it isn't on my person, I can still pick it up, look at it and say "Fuck It" because I am concentrating on myself for once in my Life.
I did this during High School; Cared less about the people around me and focused on being the Absolute Best in my Class. I Graduated in the Top 20 because I didn't give a Flying Fuck about those that were struggling as I surpassed them.
As I worked for Nordstrom, I had compassion for the newbies, but that was all I had for them. The Veterans, I could have cared less. I was Ruthless, Cold-Hearted as I made my way up the Ranks as I claimed my throne. Granted, I kept the Good Aspect of myself because I didn't want to be that Asshole at the job. I helped where I needed to help, all in the name of Shining Brighter than anyone else and I was Revered, Respected and Admired. I was and STILL am the Best that is walking. All because I cared about myself way more than anyone else could care about me.
No one could reach the Upper Echelon that was and is my Skill Level in key aspects that made me who I am now. And it is High Time that I reconnect with that part of me again.
This time, on a more Permanent Basis.
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